Letting Go of My Plans

I recently made the tough decision to resign from my teaching position.  I would love to be able to go back to work in the fall, but I really don't know what my health will be like in five months.  I had to base my decision on what is going on now, and right now, I'm too tired from chemo to work. It looks like I will be on chemo indefinitely - for as long as it keeps shrinking my tumours.  I also wanted to be fair to my boss so he has the time to hire someone to fill my position.  This was a very tough decision - not because I didn't know it was the right thing to do, but because I LOVE my job.  Like, I really really love being a teacher.  If it was any other job, I would have said, "No problem!  I'm quitting!"  But this is a tough good-bye. My colleagues are my friends, and they have been so supportive of me and my family through this whole cancer battle.  This year away has been rough, and I always assumed I would be able return to work and get to be with them all again.  But God has other plans.

When I resigned from my teaching career 14 years ago after I had my first son, I was also sad, but excited for the future because I would get to be a stay-at-home mom.  I missed teaching, but I had another calling, and I loved it!  When the opportunity came about four years ago for me to go back to work at the school my kids attended, I felt so thankful and blessed.  It really is an amazing place to work - the kids, my colleagues, the community - they are all so wonderful.  This time the good-bye comes not because I have something better to do but because I don't have the strength to work and I need to take care of myself.

But here's the amazing thing: God has promised that He has plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), even if I don't know what that looks like.  I have always been a planner, and I like to know what is happening today, next week, next month, next year.  Cancer has really thrown that out the window!  I have no idea what is going to happen, how long my current treatments will work for, how much energy I'll have each day, if I'll ever get to go back to teaching.  I just have to take it one day at a time and be thankful for each day that God gives me.  And isn't that how we're all supposed to live?  None of us really knows how much time we have here on this earth, so shouldn't we be looking at each day as a gift?

God knows my heart, and He knows how much I love being a teacher.  If I'm meant to go back to teaching one day, then He will provide that position for me when it is time.  I can't worry about that right now.  There are so many other things to be thankful for: a loving God who sustains me, gives me peace, joy, and hope, and provides for my needs; wonderful family and friends who encourage us and take care of us when I'm too tired to function; disability insurance so I still have an income while I'm unable to work; amazing health care so my medications and doctor visits are covered; the list goes on and on.

So I need to let go of my plans and trust God's plans for me.  And aren't His plans infinitely better than mine anyway?  So often I forget that.  In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul encourages us to "...focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."  For now, being a teacher is in the past, but God has called me to do other things during this season, and I will be obedient to that call.  My prayer is that God is glorified in whatever I do.  Even though my energy and strength are limited, I can do the things Christ gives me to do in His strength (Philippians 4:13).  Daily I surrender my plans to God and ask Him to show me how I can serve Him that day.  Each and every day is a new chance to bring Him glory and honour in my submission and obedience.  Psalm 25:10 tells us, "The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep His covenant and obey His commands."  He won't lead me astray even when I can't see the path ahead.

Image by Pure Joy Creative