When Life Sucks

I've never been a fan of the phrase "that sucks," but lately I've realized that sometimes it's the best way to describe some things.  I have a lot of friends and family members who are going through really hard things right now.  I'm going through hard stuff right now.  Life is hard.  I have a good friend who always says this life is boot camp. Sometimes all you can say is, "This really sucks." It's really tough.  Praise God that this life isn't all there is for those who trust in Him.

A friend of mine, Karen, recently told me she is doing a study of First Peter by Kyle Idleman.  I haven't seen the study, but she told me that he said something to the extent of, "God will not waste suffering. It will result in something beautiful... salvation for our souls."  Isn't that a wonderful thought?  None of our suffering is for nothing.  God has a plan and a purpose for it.

I love the hope that is found in chapter one:

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by His great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance - an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay.  And through your faith, God is protecting you by His power until you receive this salvation, which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see.  So be truly glad.  There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while.  These trials will show that your faith is genuine.  It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold - though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.  So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honour on the day when Christ Jesus is revealed to the whole world" (1 Peter 1:3 - 7 - emphasis mine).

What glorious hope we have in Christ!  Though we endure many trials for a little while, great joy is coming!  This life isn't the end.  I recently heard someone say that for the believers in Christ, this life is the worst it will get. We have heaven to look forward to, where there will be no more weeping, no more suffering, no more sickness, no more pain.  And there is joy to be found here in the midst of our suffering through the power of the Holy Spirit.

To paraphrase my friend, Karen, we can take our times of suffering and turn them into times of being holy (set apart).  This results in joy.  We don't have to be happy with our trials, but through our periods of suffering, we can seek the Lord and His wisdom, His ways, His thoughts.  And that creates a beautiful picture for the rest of the world of perseverance, humility, character, strength.  People will see Jesus in us.

I honestly don't know how people can get through life without Jesus.  Life is hard for everyone.  We all must endure hardships, suffering, sickness, loss, tears, grief.  When we know Christ, these trials serve to strengthen us and draw us closer to God.  There is so much joy and peace in God's presence, even when life sucks.  James 4:8 says, "Come close to God, and He will come close to you." What a promise!  Can there be anything better than being close to God, than being in the presence of our heavenly Father who loves us more than anything?!

So yes, sometimes life really sucks. But when we use those hard times to lean into God, He can use them to teach us, to shape us into people who reflect Jesus. It's not easy to rejoice in suffering, but it's amazing the joy that comes when we persevere through it and just trust that God knows what He's doing. "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning" (Psalm 30:5b).

Letting Go of My Plans

I recently made the tough decision to resign from my teaching position.  I would love to be able to go back to work in the fall, but I really don't know what my health will be like in five months.  I had to base my decision on what is going on now, and right now, I'm too tired from chemo to work. It looks like I will be on chemo indefinitely - for as long as it keeps shrinking my tumours.  I also wanted to be fair to my boss so he has the time to hire someone to fill my position.  This was a very tough decision - not because I didn't know it was the right thing to do, but because I LOVE my job.  Like, I really really love being a teacher.  If it was any other job, I would have said, "No problem!  I'm quitting!"  But this is a tough good-bye. My colleagues are my friends, and they have been so supportive of me and my family through this whole cancer battle.  This year away has been rough, and I always assumed I would be able return to work and get to be with them all again.  But God has other plans.

When I resigned from my teaching career 14 years ago after I had my first son, I was also sad, but excited for the future because I would get to be a stay-at-home mom.  I missed teaching, but I had another calling, and I loved it!  When the opportunity came about four years ago for me to go back to work at the school my kids attended, I felt so thankful and blessed.  It really is an amazing place to work - the kids, my colleagues, the community - they are all so wonderful.  This time the good-bye comes not because I have something better to do but because I don't have the strength to work and I need to take care of myself.

But here's the amazing thing: God has promised that He has plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), even if I don't know what that looks like.  I have always been a planner, and I like to know what is happening today, next week, next month, next year.  Cancer has really thrown that out the window!  I have no idea what is going to happen, how long my current treatments will work for, how much energy I'll have each day, if I'll ever get to go back to teaching.  I just have to take it one day at a time and be thankful for each day that God gives me.  And isn't that how we're all supposed to live?  None of us really knows how much time we have here on this earth, so shouldn't we be looking at each day as a gift?

God knows my heart, and He knows how much I love being a teacher.  If I'm meant to go back to teaching one day, then He will provide that position for me when it is time.  I can't worry about that right now.  There are so many other things to be thankful for: a loving God who sustains me, gives me peace, joy, and hope, and provides for my needs; wonderful family and friends who encourage us and take care of us when I'm too tired to function; disability insurance so I still have an income while I'm unable to work; amazing health care so my medications and doctor visits are covered; the list goes on and on.

So I need to let go of my plans and trust God's plans for me.  And aren't His plans infinitely better than mine anyway?  So often I forget that.  In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul encourages us to "...focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."  For now, being a teacher is in the past, but God has called me to do other things during this season, and I will be obedient to that call.  My prayer is that God is glorified in whatever I do.  Even though my energy and strength are limited, I can do the things Christ gives me to do in His strength (Philippians 4:13).  Daily I surrender my plans to God and ask Him to show me how I can serve Him that day.  Each and every day is a new chance to bring Him glory and honour in my submission and obedience.  Psalm 25:10 tells us, "The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep His covenant and obey His commands."  He won't lead me astray even when I can't see the path ahead.

Image by Pure Joy Creative

On Daniel 3 - Paradox of Faith

"King Nebuchadnezzar made an image of gold, ninety feet high and nine feet wide, and set it up on the plain of Dura in the province of Babylon... Then the herald loudly proclaimed, 'This is what you are commanded to do, O peoples, nations and men of every language: As soon as you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music, you must fall down adn worship the image of gold that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up.'" (vv. 1, 4, 5)

I find it so strange that after King Nebuchadnezzar had just hailed Daniel's God as supreme, he set up an image of someone else and ordered the people to worship it and declared that they would be thrown into a furnace if they refused. Had he forgotten God's dream and interpretation?

Nebuchadnezzar summons Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to him when he learns that they will not worship the statue. He offers them one more chance to do so before he throws them into the furnace. Now here's the funny part: He says, "'Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?'" (v. 15) What God indeed? Hadn't he told Daniel that his God is the God of gods and the Lord of kings? (2:37) I'm still incredulous that he had forgotten.

But it is another time that God revealed His sovereignty. The three men said, "'we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not... we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (vv. 17, 18) I love this. Look at their faith. They KNOW that God is capable of saving them. They also know that He may choose not to, but they still trust that if He doesn't, there is a reason for it, and they'll serve Him anyway.

WHAT FAITH! Oh, Lord, give me that kind of faith. I'm so afraid to go through the fire because I don't like suffering. Help me trust that You are working Your perfect will and plan for the good (not necessarily of myself, but for Your glory) in the midst of my trials. Help me be willing to sacrifice for Your glory. I think that's my biggest problem with allowing God to work. I know in my head that everything is going to be for good, but I'm not willing to be part of the sacrifice it may take. I already lost my dad because of that.

Way back before we had discovered that my dad had cancer, I prayed that God would do whatever it took for my parents to come to know Him - to remove what was preventing them from accepting His salvation and to give them whatever they needed to accept it. Well, He answered my prayer in a doozy of a way, and I never expected it. He took away my dad. My mom relied on my dad and my dad relied on himself. So God took that away. It was for the best in hindsight. My dad is now in Heaven, and I know that I'll see him again one day. But I still struggle to pray those really big faith prayers for fear of what I could lose. I still miss my dad terribly. I wouldn't trade his eternity in Heaven for more time with him here on earth, but I'm afraid of losing more people that I love if I pray those big prayers.

I don't know if that makes any sense, but I know that God is not going to work really big things in my life until I am willing to surrender everything to Him. I have to be willing to lose everything for His glory, and I'm not there yet. But I want to be.

I know in my head that being willing to surrender everything doesn't mean that God is going to take it away. I know He wants to bless me and have a fulfilling, beautiful life. I'm just so afraid that He's going to take more people away from me (even though I know that's not the kind of God He is.) It's such a struggle. Please help me, Lord. Increase my faith. Move my head knowledge into my heart.

On Colossians 3 - Work for the Lord

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." (vv. 23 - 24)

How often I forget this. I have to stop seeking the approval of others. God is the One I should be concerned with. I need to ask myself constantly if what I am doing is for His glory.

I've been feeling rather purposeless lately. When I was a teacher, I had a noble calling - to shape the lives and minds of today's children. I could be their role model and impart knowledge on future generations! (Wow, that sounds good!) Every day was different - new challenges, new lessons, new conversations.

Being a stay-at-home mom is much less glamourous. But now that I look at what I just wrote about being a teacher, being a mom is pretty much the same thing. I just don't have to dress up in nice work clothes and do my hair everyday, and there's no janitor around here to clean up the mess! Plus, it's FULL time, not 8:30 - 4:00. There are no summer holidays around here!

I need to constantly remember that my calling is to be a Mom, and I need to work at that with all my heart. Adam and Noah are so precious, and I have a huge role in seeing that they follow the Lord. When I don't feel like playing with them or reading to them or listening to their whining anymore, I need to get off my rear and be a mom! This is for God's glory. I pray that God will help me fulfill His purpose in my life.